I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
