Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
