I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
