well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
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Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
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I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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