her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
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Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
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