Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Your penis caused this!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
