Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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