just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize