So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
