he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
