Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
