Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
