dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
