Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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