Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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