I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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