For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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