i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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