all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
