Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
