Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
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I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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