My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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