i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
