i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
