Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
