I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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