I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
