i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
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there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
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Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
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