weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
