After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize