Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
