the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
