dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
