Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
