I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Randomize
