Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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