Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
