It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
