guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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