just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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