Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
