in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
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