can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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