so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize