I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
