She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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