I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
