that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
