Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
