Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
