Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Randomize
