I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
