Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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