I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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