Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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