Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
