Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
