I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
