We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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