Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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