maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
