My friends, they love my intelligence
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
