I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
