So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
