return my video game
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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