Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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