I'm jealous of your bromance
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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