I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
