$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
