im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
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She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
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