Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
