Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
