is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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