You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize