when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Randomize
